if you like me you must not know who I am
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
