Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
