Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
