Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
