You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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