I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
