If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
