the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
