I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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