Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize