i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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