You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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