we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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