it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Never joke about your clitoris.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
