I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize