You smell like a Billy Joel song
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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