What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
