duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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