the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
