Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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