When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
