You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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