dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
