Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
