I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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