Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
