No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
