I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
