The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
