Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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