remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
