Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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