my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
