clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
