Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I wish there were birth control emojis
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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