Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
