mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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