Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
