I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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