I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
