If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
