not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
