i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
