I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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