my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
