You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
