In America we eat man semen.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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