well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize