She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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