haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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