just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Damn victory sex feels great
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
