On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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