Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
