TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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