If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
