after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
