I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
