i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize