Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
