can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize