You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
