im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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