It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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