im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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